Memoir

Seann Tan-Mansukhani

I have known Marj for almost three-quarters of my life, starting as a callow freshman in her English for business communication class, later on as a serious student attending her creative non-fiction class to learn the craft of writing, and much later as a bride in a small Buddhist wedding in the Philippine’s oldest Buddhist temple, Seng Guan Temple. I don’t know when she became a friend rather than a teacher or mentor. Still, I found myself unabashedly seeking her for deep conversations about existential concerns and spirituality or wise advice that ran the gamut from house renovation woes to interpersonal conflicts. She enveloped me in the warmth and generosity of her friendship and became a friend to my family—Raj and my daughter, Karuna.

When I think of my friendship with Marj, a bricolage of snapshots assembles in my mind. Summer of 2009, we’re standing on the roof of Kublai’s habitable structure, Agong House in Kapatagan, Digos, and she remarks how blessed we are to see an unimpeded view of Mt. Apo’s peak. On an early morning in 2013, she and I chanted with the nuns and monks in a Buddhist temple in Fo Guang Shan Monastery, Kaohsiung. On a bus traveling in Taiwan in 2013, she plays the word chain game with 9-year-old Karuna, and their category is color; with the last letter of the previous word ending in “r,” Karuna comes up with “ripple,” Marj’s delight. On a rainy day in 2016, in a cozy vegetarian cafe, we performed a personal ritual where she chose a red-orange enameled bead to string in my bracelet of connection.

I’ve always thought of Marj as having a presence that radiates her mind’s strength and vitality; I always feel invigorated after an exchange with her. And, in 2017, even thousands of miles away, she condoled with me over my Mom’s death: “We will light a vigil candle for your Mom at the Duomo, the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore here in Florence. … Losing a Mom is a sadness that doesn’t go away. But you can take her place in your own experience of motherhood.” And I took immense comfort in her words and the image of my mother that sprung up, lighting a candle in the same Duomo a decade ago.

Seann Tan-Mansukhani is an associate professor of psychology at De La Salle University Manila. She is a licensed psychologist and provides counseling and psychotherapy for mental health concerns and problems in living. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the Ateneo de Manila University. Her research involves mental health, well-being, positive emotions, and values such as wisdom, spirituality, and gratitude. She is inclined towards qualitative research and draws from narrative psychology to dive into stories illuminating human experiences. She was a Bienvenido N. Santos writing fellow for poetry in 2018-2019 and a poetry fellow in the 1995 National Writers Workshop in Dumaguete.